Sex and Samosas?

Sex and Samosas?

Well, actually neither sex nor samosas have anything to do with one another—unless, of course, someone somewhere has a samosa fetish. It's just the complete fulfilling experience that is comparable—the filling up of every sense that leaves one replete for the moment but ready for more — at the right time and the right mood. The 'rightness' of it depends on the participants!

OK! Let's look at the samosa experience! 11 o'clock in the morning, it’s coffee or teatime! In comes a waft of freshly fried samosa—no perfume in the world could smell as tempting to an Indian nose! And there, before you, is a perfect, crisp, piping hot, golden-brown samosa. Boy! Take a load of that shape!! Reach out for it; go on…take a bite…ummm! The delectable filling is even more sensational than the crust! You dip it in the tangy sauce and greedily finish it off, each bite more delicious than the last, till, at last, it's over, leaving you satisfied and replete. Could anything be more sensuous?

Of course there are those who won't wait to appreciate the entire experience but just wolf the samosa down. And then there are those who don't like samosa at all… and this is completely in keeping with my analogy of sex and samosas! What is being said here, in short, is that sex, like samosas, is a therapy that engenders tremendous wellness.

Sexercise Therapy

Sex, in a loving and intimate relationship, has innumerable health benefits. Answer the following question truthfully:

Would you rather run 75 miles or have sex three times a week for one year? Research has shown that both the activities will burn approximately 7,500 calories. Many of us however, feel that anything that feels so good can't possibly be 'good' for us. But wait! Pause and think again! A staggering number of scientific studies have shown that sex and specially, sex leading to orgasm is good for you. The obvious physical benefits— the heavy breathing and the increased heart rate that occur during sexual arousal and orgasm— help to keep the tissues and organs healthier by circulating oxygen. And by the way, as an exercise it will burn off more calories per minute than playing tennis. During sex, the average person maintains the heart rate above 70% of the maximum. That really makes sex a wonderful workout and the longer it lasts, the better cardiovascular workout you get!

As a matter of fact, having sex three-four times a week will cut the risk of heart attack or stress in half! Although women also benefit in this manner too, in the case of men the results are well documented and clear. Not only that but in men sex encourages the flow of testosterone, which strengthens bones and muscles and helps transport DHEA, a hormone believed to be important in the functioning of the body's immune system. In women, the act triggers the release of oxytoxin. This promotes the feelings of affection and the nurturing instinct. Looks like for men, it's a win-win situation!

Intimacy not Promiscuity

It was in the 1950s that serious research on sexuality began in the US. Alfred Kinsey's famous Kinsey report detailed that sex reduces stress, and people who have fulfilling sexual lives are less anxious, violent and hostile. So, the twin benefits of regular exercise and a secure relationship, which leads to feeling happier, could not only lead to greater health but also a younger you! The point to note is that all these studies do not encourage promiscuous sex, the issue here being, not morality but intimacy. Intimacy plays a key role in the health benefits of sex. A promiscuous sexual relationship may, in fact, produce an opposite effect and introduce fear and anxiety. What's in it for women?

Hmmm! OK. Research done by Dr Winnifred Cutler, a specialist in behavioural endocrinology, indicates that women who have sex at least once a week are more likely to have normal menstrual cycles than women who have infrequent sex or are celibate. They have a healthy cardiovascular system, lower bad cholesterol; increase good cholesterol, increased bone density and supple skin. And if this were not enough, there is also evidence that estrogens are beneficial for brain functioning.

AND— Wait! I'm not done with the benefits of estrogen as yet! The vaginal tissues get suppler and it provides protection against osteoporosis and heart disease.

More…and more…and MORE!

So what more this multi-vitamin samosa does for a person's overall well being? Well, for one, you get an improved sense of smell! Yup, I did say smell. And here's how. Prolactin, a hormone produced after sex, stimulates the olfactory nerve, the centre for smell, increasing smell perception. You get better bladder control because the muscles used during sex are the same used in doing 'Kegel exercises', the alternate contraction and relaxation of perineal muscles for treatment of urinary incontinence. Incidentally, ‘Kegel exercises’ are good for men too.

There's more, lots more, and here it is… immediately upon orgasm, endorphins are released and these are natural pain relievers. Endorphins remain active in the body for several hours after the climax. So the next time you feel a headache coming on, don't go towards your medicine chest but reach for your partner instead! No more, “I have a headache, darling.” Make it: “I have a headache, darling. I need you.”

The moral of the story, dear readers, is that sex has wellness benefits throughout all our different stages of life. It's an activity that's important both for our health and our happiness. Sex therapists say that sex acts on the principle of 'use it or lose it', so when it feels so good and its benefits are numerous, what are you waiting for? JUST DO IT!

Fitness = Great Sex

Fitness = Great Sex

There are all these boring, though important, reasons why you should work out—for a better cardiovascular system, more stamina, a toned body... All that is great to know and to achieve. But, do you know, dear readers, that workouts also mean better sex? And hey! Before you think that I'm talking about the benefits of sex, no, I certainly am not! I had already talked of that in a previous column, remember? What I'm saying is simply that less fat means urge for more sex!

So, if you aren't motivated enough by reducing the risk of heart disease and prostate cancer, longer life spans and great physique, maybe the notion that less fat means more sex should propel you towards a body that's aiming to be a lean, mean fighting machine!

Look, sex is something that's almost automatic in our youth. Nature demands that people procreate and the younger generation definitely spends a lot of time, thought and energy on the activity, if not exactly in the process of procreation per se. However, by the time you are in your mid 20's and 30's, let yourself 'go'. Your body is no longer in shape and guess what one of the fallouts of this state is? Lacklustre, routine sex lives.

Of course, factors like the pressure to earn, family responsibilities and stress at work also interfere with great sex but when you lose that trim, fit physique of youth, sex is not as automatic, as it was, when you were younger and had that body.

So, let’s just look at the important factors that contribute to wonderful sex. Of course, the will to do is the primary motivator, but the endurance and strength of the body are very important elements as well. Everyone knows that sportsmen have great sex! And this, incidentally, is not only because their bodies are muscled and toned but also because they have the strength and energy to go for it big time!

Every Day, Sometimes More
The other factor here is that the more attractive your body is, the more interest it generates in the opposite gender. This leads to greater self-esteem, making you feel sexy.

Says Rita Aggarwal, who works in a bank: “I've been on both sides of the fitness fence. In my 30's my long working hours at a sedentary job, coupled with lack of exercise, got my body all flabby. By the time I realised that my metabolism was no longer what it used to be, when I was young, I'd become a lump of lard! Of course, my sex life took a real beating because I couldn't believe that anyone could find me desirable. I myself started feeling extremely un-sexy.”

In the Duke University survey, at the outset, 68 per cent of women said they felt sexually unattractive, and 63 per cent did not want to be seen undressed. They went on a diet and exercise programme and within a year, things improved dramatically, just as they did for Rita, who joined a gym and took to organic, health food in a big way. Today she's in her forties and she is glowing with health and vigour. “Sex?” she laughs, “Every day of the week and sometimes more!”

States Dr. Sandra Leiblum of the Centre for Sexual and Marital Therapy at UMDNJ - Robertwood Johnson Medical School, New Jersey: “No one disputes the evidence that women of any age can be unhappy with their sex life, but the reasons for their discontent change with age. While younger women are more likely to report difficulty in reaching orgasm, women over 40, cite other difficulties such as a partner, who doesn't make love in a satisfying way, or who can't perform, painful intercourse, or their feeling that they are no longer physically desirable.”

Shed Pounds: Have More Sex!
In the Duke University survey, weight loss helped both men and women significantly and even with the 10-13 per cent weight loss the improvement was marked. In the beginning, 21 per cent said that their sex life wasn't enjoyable. This figure fell by 10 per cent. From 39 per cent, who lacked sexual desire in the beginning, only 15 per cent said so a year later.

O.K.! Now we're all in agreement that great sex is achievable provided we work on our bodies. Now, how do we go about shedding those extra pounds and improving our physical and mental health?

There are a few basic rules that you need to follow-
Rule 1: To begin with, ingest fewer calories than you expend. Eat a lot of high-quality protein, moderate levels of complex carbohydrates and low levels of fat. No junk food, please! When you reach for that slice of chocolate cake, think, would you rather eat that or have sex tonight? Also, 5 to 7 small meals in a day are better than three big ones!

Rule 2: Train, train, train. Progressive resistance training adds lean muscle mass, which boosts your metabolism to burn fat faster, and, hey, you look hot as well.

Rule 3: Intensive cardiovascular exercises. You should add variety to our exercise regime by incorporating biking, aerobics, walking, all of which keeps your metabolism in great shape.

Rule 4: Take a breather. You need adequate amounts of rest and sleep to aid the muscle-building process and improving mental functioning.

Rule 5: Take diet supplements. High quality proteins like multi-vitamins, C, E and B-complex could be used. But do consult your doctor.

So, what are you waiting for? Go for it! There are great things in the offing. Go on, hit the gym, train hard, have great sex and enjoy!

It's time for a Quickie

It's time for a Quickie

Long ago WH Davies wrote: What is this life if, full of care, We have no time to stand and stare.

Life has witnessed an exponential rise in activity since the time Davies wrote these lines. Twentieth century saw the growth of automobile and the airplanes; telephones and television. The modern man is sandwiched between increasing workloads and shrinking deadlines. For the modern man love-making as an extended voluptuous experience is increasingly becoming a rarity. Where in fact is the time to stand and stare at your love-partner, emanating sensuousness from the eyes, admiring body contours and indulging in foreplay?

Invariably, the needles of the watch have become the masters of our destiny. 'Instant' is the mantra these days—instant foods, instant clothing, and instant cricket and now we increasingly feel the need for instant sex. Human tendency, however, is never in favour of shorter versions of amorous games, as the thirst is never satisfied by swift and sweet adventures. We want to linger on and want more and more but the exigencies of schedules and activities are making full-blooded sex uncommon. Hence, we have the invention of a quickie. Quickie is quick action love-making.

Where can you have a hurried bout of sex? Possibly, anywhere with or without the roof. It could be before or in the bath, or during the lunch hours in a secluded storeroom of your workplace. A nook of the gallery you are visiting; a recess into the woods off a busy motorway could well also serve as the venue to release the pent up sexual desires.

Sometimes you find two friends from the ongoing party conspicuously missing without information. And while you frantically, try to search them, they coolly slither back into the crowd. Propriety suggests that you don't ask where they have been. The couple could have made good their time with a quickie in the protected confines of their parked car.

The car halt in the garage, may well spontaneously give rise to palpitations in the groin. And before you come to terms with reality, a quickie has provided you with a much-needed respite before you drown yourselves in household chores. For others, a forlorn parking or a deserted end of the garden… may well come in handy. The office loo is widely used by those colleagues who are deprived of time or the courage to move out in the city. In colleges, the towering though secluded lines shelves of libraries and laboratories serve more the purpose of quest of quick sex than as fountainheads of intellectual prowess. And whatever is available at the moment- a canvas, tarpaulin, discarded car seats, gas cylinders, tyres, and broken benches come in handy to help eat the forbidden fruit in a jiffy.

Quickies have always been in vogue in the rural hinterlands. Here fear from the prying eyes rather than shortage of time has been their chief motivational cause. Lovelorn cannot move about without being noticed in small townships and villages. A bout of quick sex adds some intimacy and spice to the feeling of adoration that abounds in two breasts. So, a tall crop like cane sugar, corn or fodder or an orchard provides the perfect environment for a quickie. It’s like the game of middle order batsman who has to perform or perish. There are no hushed whispers, smooching or intimate kissing. Foreplay is forbidden. Not only for dearth of time but because excessive raunchiness can well become a torment hard to bear.

And guess, what could be the greatest deterrent for a quickie? No, it is never an unsuspected intrusion, for people may enjoy watching you in sex-a-venture than playing the spoilsport. Rather the villains are with you, or on you—a silly string, belt, buttons and tight clothing especially pants. You may take more time in taking them off than the real episode itself. And just one of them could play the devil. For you could have fiddled and frittered those precious minutes away, in a thing as worthless as untying a knot. Rightly is it said, “Time and tide wait for no one”. So, go for a quickie!

Gayism: A Matter of Choice

Gayism: A Matter of Choice

Homosexuality is closeted in India. It is kept under wraps, even though, thanks to the publicity that activists have given to gay issues, at least the word 'homosexual' has emerged out of the closet. It has made its way into the columns of newspapers, in films and even into social chit-chat at clubs. Expressions like 'sexual identity' and 'sexual choices' are today accepted in a society, which in its modern avatar has been largely homophobic or prejudiced against homosexual people. There are no official estimates for India's gay communities but some gay organizations maintain it might be as large as 50 million people. When The Boyfriend, a book by R Raja Rao, a leading gay rights activist was launched in Mumbai's upmarket Oxford bookstore, the event was attended by the highly visible city glitterati.

Social Stigma
As Shaleen Rakesh puts it: “It is not easy to be gay in our country. There is immense social stigma attached to it. Families and friends assume that everyone is heterosexual. The abuse starts the moment a young gay person realises his desires. He is suddenly confronted with his 'otherness'. He fails to see any recognition for his feelings, his instincts and his emotions. On the other hand, everything around him says he isn't normal, an aberration, someone who went wrong along the way.” In the face of such forceful societal opposition, the self-esteem can take a mighty blow and many gay men and women succumb to this homophobia. Many gays make choices against their real inclinations and get married, thus repressing their desires for a lifetime. “Very few are able to stand up to the onslaught and try living on their own terms.”

Being and Declaring
In tradition-bound India, where homosexuality is either ignored or treated as a disease, it is hard for a gay person to openly declare his sexuality. But Mumbai has a thriving gay social scene with regular gay parties in pubs and discos, which are attended by middle class gay men, who dance with people from different social backgrounds and even foreign tourists. Yet there are only a few gay men in India who choose to live openly. “The number of declared gays may not be more than 100,” says Kavi Rao. Nitin Karani, who contributes to a gay website, says: “All we want is the acceptance that we exist and we are not different from heterosexual people, except for our sexual and emotional attractions to men.”

The hardest thing for some is to come to terms with their sexuality themselves, and for others it is to declare their choice to their families. Despite coming out several times on TV and in print, Karani says: “Until now, my parents pretend no one really understood what I said on TV or in the news. None of my relatives are dying to tell me how they read about me being a gay it is like don't ask, don't tell.”

Being a Lesbian
“Lesbian” which originally meant an inhabitant of Lesbos is now applied to homosexual women. The same parameters apply for gay women as for gay men. A society that states that they are abnormal, constrains their choices. “The women-to-women relationship is as simple (or complex) as any other love relationship between two people…the only difference is that here there are two women involved. They share their emotions, highs and lows, ups and downs, tears and laughter, and of course, sex is a part of it,” explains Sheeba (name changed), who has quietly moved in with her partner. Ruth, coordinator of Sangini, a helpline and support network for lesbian/bi-sexual/transgender women in Delhi, in an interview published in Femina September 2002, said: “I was heterosexual till the age of 20 or 21. Then I realised it was not what I was looking for. I didn't find it sexually satisfying, emotionally fulfilling and spiritually correct to be with a man.”

Helpful NGOs Shaleen Rakesh, who heads the MSM programme for the New Delhi-based Naz Foundation, writes periodically and passionately and even files public interest litigation to protect gay's rights. And recently, films like Phir Milenge and My Brother Nikhil have seriously and consciously taken the subject of homosexuality and AIDS to mainstream cinema. Among lesbian activists are Geeta Kumana, director of Aanchal, a helpline and support group for lesbian and bi-sexual women. Also there are Stree Sangam based in Mumbai, The Sangini Project and Prism in New Delhi, Sappho in Calcutta, Sahaya in Bangalore and Olava in Pune.

Natural Option
It is a myth to consider lesbianism as a sexual option that women take when dissatisfied by their marriages or as a result of some sort of sexual abuse by men. Says Rakhee (name changed): “People may say it's unnatural, well, it feels so right to me. It's the only natural option for me.”

Kamna (name changed) who works for a New Delhi-based travel agency, says: “Its not only at the sexuality level that you connect with the society. A lot of my friends are straight and accept me for myself else they wouldn't be my friends, would they? However, the fear of being ostracised is very real. “If we are known to be gay, we get stigmatized and are treated like weird specimens. We may lose our jobs and our houses. The truth is that society refuses to recognize homosexuality and while it is easy to pretend it doesn't exist, the minute the subject is raised, all hell breaks loose.” For centuries, the Indian society had taken the homosexual behaviour in its stride. It is high time it removed its British blinkers, inspired by Victorian prudery and gave individuals that constitute it the right to make their own choices.

Squeeze For Better Sex

Squeeze For Better Sex

At the Midwest Institute of Sexology, USA, students are taught a variety of 'sexercises'. They help students to enjoy their bodies and enhance their capacities for sexual pleasure. The most basic of these are the 'Kegel exercises', which serve to tone and strengthen the Pubococcygeus or PC muscles that form the floor of the pubis. The health of these muscles plays an important role in sexual arousal, climax, and in other physiological functions. What are Kegel Exercises? Now that I've got your attention, let's talk about what Kegel exercises are, their benefits and how and when to do them. I do assure you, dear readers; that in addition to enhanced sexual benefits, Kegel exercises have many more advantages like wellness and better health. These pelvic floor exercises are named after Dr. Arnold Kegel, who developed them in 1948, as a method of controlling incontinence that occurs in some women following childbirth. These exercises are now recommended for women with urinary stress incontinence. But they are not only for women. Men, who suffer from urinary incontinence after prostate surgery and faecal incontinence, also find them beneficial. The principal behind Kegel exercises is to strengthen muscles of the pelvic floor, thereby improving the urethral and rectal sphincter muscles. The exercises can be performed at any time and at any place. You can do the exercises while lying down or sitting. Most people will notice some improvement after 4 to 6 weeks. Men should do Kegel Exercises Regularly Well, if there's one concern with men, it is: “How can I control myself from ejaculating so quickly?” says Ana Fernandez, who works in a NGO that also runs a help-line. The answer is simpler, than the problem. There is a way that men can help themselves! All that is required is a little exercise that can be done even sitting before the TV, watching the news! As mentioned before, both men and women have a PC muscle, which is responsible for the health of the pelvic floor. But hey! That's not all it's used for. You want to maximize your sexual experiences, don't you? (Dumb question, I must admit!—then, gentlemen, you have to keep this muscle in tip-top condition). The next time you go to the toilet and start urinating, try to stop the flow midway. Take this test too: When you have an erection, can you squeeze your PC muscles and make your penis jump substantially? If you cannot, well then, you need the Kegel exercises more than you know! Did you know, gentlemen, that exercising this muscle regularly will prolong the duration of lovemaking and make your climax much more intense? Some men with healthy PC muscles can actually hang a towel over their erections and raise and lower their penises at will. Well, I'd say that is motivation enough to move those muscles. To begin with, once your PC muscles get going, you could use a handkerchief and then graduate to a towel! It's all about working out boys! Just as working out your biceps will give you better definition and more strength, similarly the PC muscles will better define your erections and orgasms. To put it in a nutshell, you should do Kegel exercises because: They increase the blood flow to the genital area and support sexual mechanism. They strengthen and tone the muscles that are involved in ejaculation and so men who do them, can, if they do some additional work with themselves, gain greater control over the timing of their ejaculations! Kegel exercises prevent incontinence and other problems often associated with aging. Kegel Exercises for Women Psychosexual therapist, Paula Hall says that you may never have noticed your pelvic floor muscles before, but regular exercises to strengthen them can bring about delightful sexual benefits. Not just that but you'll be surprised to know that 5.2 billion dollars are spent on adult diapers every year. It is quoted in Harvard Health Letter, “in an age when people talk about sex and Viagra as if they were discussing golf scores, it seems ironic that more than 200 million people worldwide, who suffer from urinary incontinence are too embarrassed to mention the subject to their doctor.” But if they did, they would learn that there are treatments that can eliminate or improve the problem in 9 out of 10 people, who experience urine leakage. The health benefits for women include: Improved blood circulation to the genital area, which helps sexual arousal and stronger and pleasurable orgasms. A greater feeling of control and confidence on vaginal penetration. Avoiding urinary incontinence and vaginal prolapse. How Do I Identify My PC Muscles? One way is to sit on the toilet seat and start to urinate—men will do it this way too, please! Try to stop the flow of urine stream by contracting your pelvic floor muscles. Repeat this action several times, until, you become familiar with the feel of contracting the correct group of muscles. Do not contract your back, abdominal or thigh muscles while performing the exercises. Another approach to help you identify the correct muscle group is to insert the finger into the vagina. You should then try to tighten the muscle around your finger as if holding back urine. Men can lie down, insert a finger in their anus, and feel the muscle as it tightens around it. The abdominal and thigh muscles should remain relaxed. How Do I Do Regular Kegel Exercises? First completely empty your bladder.Sit or lie comfortably with the muscles of your thighs, buttocks, and abdomen relaxed.Tighten the ring of muscles around the back passage as if you are trying to control diarrhoea or wind. Relax it. Practice this movement several times until you are sure, you are exercising the correct muscle.Tighten and draw in the muscles around the anus and the urethra all at once. Lift them up inside. Try and hold this contraction as strongly as you can and count to five, then relax, and release. You should have a definite feeling of 'letting go.’ Repeat the 'squeeze and lift' and relax. It is important to rest between each contraction. If you find it easy to hold the contraction for a count of five, try to hold for longer—up to 10. Repeat this as many times as you are able to a maximum of 8-10 squeezes. Make each tightening a strong, slow, and controlled contraction. Now do 5-10 short, fast, but strong contractions, pulling and immediately letting go.Do this whole exercise in routine, at least 4-5 times a day. You can do it in a variety of positions—lying, sitting, standing and walking. If you work up to three sets of 30 or more strong squeezes, you are probably healthy enough for most purposes, and need only to maintain this level of fitness by doing these three sets four times a week, instead of three times a day. Indeed, with proper performance of Kegel exercises, control of urinary incontinence has improved up to 50% to 80%. But here I must add a word of caution: Some people feel that they can speed up progress by increasing the frequency of exercise. However, over-exercising may cause muscle fatigue.

Cyber Sex - A Way of Life

Cyber Sex - A Way of Life

Sandeep S. Sandhu
"The old order changeth, yielding place to new,
And God fulfils Himself in many ways,
Lest one good custom should corrupt the world.” - Lord Tennyson

Perched on the precipice, we of the old school gape at the never-ending vistas of 'Cyberian scapes', which can be held captive on the desktop by a mere click of the mouse. In the deluge of Internet medium the political, geographical, religious, economic and ethnic boundaries have been reduced to irrelevance, like never before. And proudly we address this spectacular and huge world of ours with the oxymoron of ‘global village'.

If human interaction in socio-cultural, scientific fields has increased to this extent then the ever-cherished themes of -- 'love and sex'-- could not have been left untouched. Just a few years back, the virtual proximity achievable cyber medium even while sitting thousands of miles apart would have been beyond imagination. And that too with the option of revealing or not revealing one's identity? What more do we expect than the option of sharing some very intimate moments, yet maintain the garbs of anonymity. The very idea is hard to resist as armies of sex-smitten people indulge in fetish and raunchy talk -- to give vent to their hidden sexual desires, which perhaps they could never do in their real lives. Their actual lives embroiled in the urgencies of seeking livelihood, people seek solace (read nirvana) in the privacy of the desktop. Once done out of curiosity as an experiment, it gradually assumes permanence of addiction.

There are both for and against arguments on cyber sex. For those in its favour clamour over the fact that it is like giving vent to your pent up sexual desires while indulging in virtual sex. It is not perfidious activity as you are not involved in an amorous adventure in flesh and blood.

There are examples like the one of that jet-setting executive who found his house was a mere point on the globe - a destination where he had to spend some time before he moved ahead on his next assignment. The bored wife having nothing to do after the kids left home for school took to chatting, which ultimately ended up in securing her a cyber sex partner in the USA. Here is a classic case over which we can study the pros and cons of this neo-eroticism. Net sex, if it is secret and well kept would help one fulfil some of the most voluptuous desires without breaking the moral cordons of the society. This lady was satisfied in sharing her orgies with her American friend while remaining in the confines of her home. For had it not been the cyber sex, where else the love-thirsty wife would have found satisfaction? Where else but in sex in real life! And what does that mean? An extra- marital affair in plain words followed by a break up. Look how cyber sex prevented the crashing of her marriage too! (And God forbid if some spy ware installed by her husband were ever to trace her net talk -what would be the consequences- a divorce. (The courts in the western countries have accepted net sex as sufficient evidence for divorce). And we would be forced to call cyber sex both the saviour and the wrecker of a marriage in the same breath.

So at least cyber sex plays the vital role in the lives of even the most dissatisfied indoors to find gratification somewhere else in real life. But it is a fact that a lot of marriages and true-life relationships have fallen victims to the virtual sex. A chance stumbling of your partner into what could be your private territory can lead to the chasm being created. And once it is created, it results in more and more doubts and suspicions till the world falls apart. Some traditionalists argue that once the thin line of overt sexual activity is broken even in the impersonal perversion of cyber sex-- an act of deception has happened.

Yes, there are huge numbers of people who remain unsatisfied with the physical and emotional aspects of their life partners. Cyber sex for them is an expedient choice between sin and suppression. The votaries of cosmopolitanism find another argument in favour of indulging in cyber sex. They believe it gives a cosmopolitan flavour to one's sexual life without doing as much as to venture out of the house. One can chat and have cyber sex with any number of people from around the world - choosing a male or a female of one's choice. One particular young man who was more interested in Eastern women indulged in all kinds of sadomasochistic talk with Chinese, Thai and Korean women to fulfil his desires. There are some who practically enact the orgies in their real lives, which they learn in 'cyberian fantasies'.

Sex specialists believe that it actually catalyses the sex lives of those couples that have lost interest in sex. The addition of gizmos like web cams, voice chats do add their bit to make the distinction between reality and virtual reality very thin. So can it also be argued that cyber sex has emerged as a therapy for those who have prematurely lost interest in sex? Some social sciences experts feel that cyber sex would play a critical part in opening up the society like ours that is stranded in the labyrinth of cultural and social inertias for centuries.

But the negative aspect of cyber sex is an increase in cyber crimes. With cyber police still being a non-entity, a lot of gullible and innocent people fall prey to deception. They travel hundreds of miles, putting their families and career in jeopardy to seek what is not! Yes, one thing that must be giving sleepless nights to the past generation is that more and more youngsters are indulging in 'passionate keyboard bashing'. We can well imagine the hell these kinds of mental sex orgies must be wreaking on the tender minds - who really don't know what is right or wrong for them?

And there are other social evils that are spreading fast through this otherwise innocuous mode of communication. There are reports of pedophiles prying on young children. Law more often than not prove toothless in this chaotic, crazy cyber world, where it cannot be fathomed who is after whom.

Cyber sex being a creation of recent years; it is hard to be judgmental about it. Its effects, side effects and ill effects would be borne by posterity. Perhaps like always, time would be the 'Last Judge' on the issue.

Combating Sperm - II

Combating Sperm - II

The Intra-uterine Device
The WHO rates the IUD as one of the safest temporary methods of birth control for women. This is a small plastic device containing either a hormone or copper that is inserted into a woman’s uterus. An important thing to remember about IUDs is that it is a great protector if it is in place. But sometimes it can slip out without your realising it. That’s when you are no longer protected and you don’t even know it!

The Barrier Method
Here the aim is to block the sperm—that sly little thing—from getting to the egg. And that’s when latex comes to the rescue. You could opt for the diaphragm or the cervical cap. You need to use the diaphragm with a spermicidal jelly. It’s a dome shaped cup with a flexible rim to allow for insertion. It blocks the whole rear part of the vagina and the cervix to protect against the sneaky sperm. Both the diaphragm and cervical cap have to be fitted so you must visit a physician to get this type of birth control. However, they last for several years. But you do need to hold them up against the light to check for holes. Supposing you didn’t put on the diaphragm before sex, no worries.

Men are visual creatures and become excited with closer acquaintance with your vagina. So, don’t be put off by the thought of inserting your diaphragm in front of your partner because, it is guaranteed, it’ll make you as excited as it’ll make him and the extra lubrication is always great, isn’t it?

Condom!
Ah! Ultimately! It’s the man’s turn to take responsibility. And with the AIDS risk at large, the condom usage is again popular. The day of the boring latex sheath is over! You can buy them off the shelves in supermarkets or at drugstores in different colours, sizes, ribbed, flavoured, lubricated, dry — you name it!

The trickiest part of the condom is making sure that there’s no leakage while removing it because if that happens, the sneaky sperm could sidle into the vagina and hey, that’s love’s labour lost, isn’t it? It would be smart to remove the condom before losing your erection entirely.

Men are heard grousing that a condom reduces sensation. That may not be a bad thing for those who suffer from premature ejaculation. For the rest of you out there, if there’s the slenderest risk of passing on an infection, you really have no choice. The only way out (of a condom) is to stay in one relationship long enough!

Natural Family Planning
One way is to never have an intercourse. That’s abstinence! Another way is partial abstinence or abstaining at the time of the month when a woman is fertile. This reliance on the fertility cycle of the woman is called the calendar or the rhythm method.

Calendar Method
Your fertile period is not just the day that you ovulate. While the egg can live for 1-3 days, the sperm can live in the vagina for 2-7 days. Meaning, that if you have had sex before your ovulation, the sperm maybe hanging around the fallopian tubes waiting for the egg to come along and then fertilise it!

For safety from pregnancy, you should think of a 9-day period as being risky — 5 days before ovulation, the day of ovulation and 3 days after that. The other 19 days are considered ‘safe’. But while theoretically this is so, nothing can be foolproof against those sneaky eggs and sperm determined to get together!

Basal Body Temperature
A woman’s temperature rises between .4 and .8 degrees when she ovulates. If you take your temperature every morning before getting out of bed, you’ll one day discover a rise and if you have no infection to account for it, then you may assume that you have ovulated. No unprotected sex for you then unless you are trying to have a baby!

Myths about Birth Control!
Douching prevents pregnancy
This myth dates back to the time of ancient Egypt. The concept is to wash out the sperm before they can reach the uterus. Various types of douches have been used down the ages form vinegar to Coca-Cola to commercial douches. Actually, by the time you are done with intercourse and the douche, man’s sperm have already begun their trip towards the egg and it’s not possible to flush them out!

You can’t get pregnant without orgasm
Wrong again! Though it is a fact that vaginal contractions of orgasm can foster pregnancy, it is also true that some semen are going to make their way up the cervix irrespective of the fact that the woman has multiple orgasm or no orgasm.

Stand-up sex can prevent pregnancy
Ha! If you think that sperm cannot defy gravity, then you underestimate the tenacity of the sperm. The sperm are ace swimmers and capable of swimming upstream as well as downstream!

You can’t get pregnant when you have your period
Don’t believe that please! Although menstruation does limit the possibility of becoming pregnant, it’s not to be counted upon. Some women have irregular bleeding, which, if misinterpreted as menstruation, can lead to pregnancy.

Pulling out is protection enough
If there’s one myth that’s caused the maximum pregnancies, it is this! The withdrawal method is certainly not foolproof. Many men, who swear to their partners that they have wonderful control over their ejaculations and will pull out their penises from the vagina as soon as they feel it coming, don’t. They end up ejaculating before they pull out. Sometimes the heat of the moment gets the better of them.

Even if the man does pull out, the pre-ejaculatory fluid, known as the Cowper’s fluid, has already been released and is on its way to the uterus. This fluid is absolutely loaded with sperm. So the coitus interruptus is only a little better than nothing!

Combating Sperm - I

Combating Sperm - I

The 20th Century has seen the explosion of the belief that procreation and reproduction are inseparable. Now you can have your cake and eat it too. Ms FEELWELL checks out the various contraception choices.

Sure nature’s aim for sex is procreation. And, being the clever lady that she is, Nature has also made sure that the ‘urge to merge’ overtakes human beings.

And Nature, also being compassionate, has made sex a pleasurable activity as a bonus for doing our duty as human beings to keep the Homo sapiens race intact! However, with the man manufacturing more than 26 trillion sperms a year, it’s hard to not conceive a baby during intercourse.

Although abortion is a choice but in today’s day and age, do try and make it the absolutely last one. Look, when you can take proper precautions, why allow unintended pregnancies? Incidentally, although men do have choices of contraception, more often than not, the responsibility falls on the women. After all, it’s her body that becomes the receptacle of the pregnancy. There are basically four types of contraception that you can choose from:

1. Sterilisation
2. Hormonal methods
3. Barrier methods
4. Natural contraception methods

All have some positive and negative baggage, no pun intended.

Sterilisation
The two methods of sterilisation are tubal sterilisation for women and vasectomy for men. Sterilisation has certain advantages over other methods in that it involves a one-time operation; are effective and has no side effects. You can shed worries about becoming pregnant and lastly, contrary to popular belief, they do not affect sexual functioning. Tubal ligation, a common name for female sterilisation, can be in the form of laproscopy, a mini-laparotomy, a full laparotomy, vaginal procedures or hysterectomy. After sterilisation, the sexual functioning of women may improve because now there is no fear of getting pregnant. Some men worry that vasectomy will affect their sexual functioning but in truth, a man feels no different since he is still able to have erections and ejaculate. The only difference is that his semen does not contain any sperm. However, his testes continue to manufacture sperm but instead of being ejaculated, it gets absorbed by the body. Still, for the first 15 ejaculations, it is wise to use some other contraception method till the sperm gets completely removed from the system. The only thing you must remember is that sterilisation assumes that you would not want to have any children in the future.

Hormonal Methods
The Contraceptive Pill
Inhibits pregnancy through use of hormones. The pill is very effective birth control method and is credited for starting the sexual revolution in the 1960’s.

The pill has taken on many new avatars. Although the basic components of the pill—the estrogens and the progestin—the hormones that a woman’s body uses to regulate her period, are the same but while the early pill caused many side effects, today these have been greatly reduced.

Now pills come in two types: combination pills that contain both estrogens and progestin and the mini-pills containing only progestin. The pill has several advantages apart from the obvious one. You have more regular periods, fewer menstrual cramps, less pelvic inflammatory disease, less pre-menstrual cramping, less acne and protection against endometrial and ovarian cancer, less ectopic pregnancies. The only thing you must remember is to take the pill everyday, preferably at the same time.

Norplant
Was created for the woman who’d forget to take the pill! Norplant uses a hormone called levonorgestrel, which is contained in 6 soft capsules about the size of matchsticks. These are inserted under the skin of the upper arm and continually release the hormone.

Once a physician has inserted Norplant, it’ll protect the woman for 5 years.

Depo Provera
Is an injectible contraceptive, which involves getting a shot after every 12 weeks?

Kamasutra and Spirituality

Kamasutra and Spirituality

By Aradhika

Is Sex your path to spirituality? Celibacy for spirituality was the last millennium's mantra. New age gurus are re looking at the sexual experience and linking it to the spiritual realm. Let's look at what their latest findings are...

Deepak Chopra, the world's favourite new age guru, is coming out with a book which he promises, will be a 'contemporary version of the Kama Sutra.' The Kama Sutra, as every self-respecting Indian knows, is the text that sees pleasure, or Kama, as one of the four goals of life, the other three being, Dharma, Arth and Moksha.

ORGASM: A mini-SAMADHI
Chopra's delving into this topic has once again opened the subject of the connection between sex and spirituality. It reminds us of Osho, who catapulted the sex vs. spirituality controversy centre stage with his book From Sex To Super Consciousness. He propounded the view that orgasm is a mini and temporary Samadhi since it can transport you to a state of pure rapture. The mind becomes devoid of thought. Our egocentric view of life disappears and we step outside of time into the timeless. This line of thinking was so revolutionary that at that time it attracted a lot of flak.

Since then, however, this idea has been explored by thinkers and philosophers, spiritual masters and sex gurus.Margot Anand, who teaches Sky Dancing Tantra, a system that combines elements of Tantra and modern psychology, coined the term 'High Sex', defined thus: “High Sex takes the experience of orgasm to a dimension in which the genital orgasm is only the beginning. It inspires you to explore the full capacity of orgasm. Culminating in ecstatic body-to-body and soul-to-soul communion, it is an experience to the whole body, the whole being.”

SEX—POSITIVE VIEW
A widely held view seems to be that sex, long seen as the enemy of the sprit, is actually its ally. To become spiritually whole, we must liberate our sexuality from the thrall of guilt, shame and repression and allow it to find full expression as a healthy, natural and even sacred part of life.

Vikas Malkani, an Indian spiritual guide and author, is reported to have said: “Making love can become a giving, expressing, selfless act, which is a form of prayer itself. Through the body, the hearts are touched; the emotions opened and desires expressed, fears released, security given and souls merged. Through the act of physical sharing, God is remembered and revered. Making love goes from the physical level to the emotional and finally to spiritual level where it becomes a prayer to the divine.”

Deepak Chopra too, believes that “Sexual desire is sacred and chaste. The suppression of sexual energy is false, ugly and unchaste. Sexual energy is sacred energy but meaningful sex has to be value based.” Not just that but, says Chopra, “Sex is many peoples' only experience of meditation.” The belief is gaining such popularity that the spiritual practice of celibacy, considered, for the millennia, crucial for spiritual enlightenment by Christians, Buddhists and Hindus, is up for debate. Will Chopra's contemporary version of Kama Sutra be able to convince the non-believers that “once we have restored the sexual experience to the realm of the sacred, our world will be chaste and divine, holy and healed”?

We'll just have to wait and see!!

Plan an Aphrodisiac Date

Plan an Aphrodisiac Date

By Aradhika

Ah, the art of romance! Sweet, subtle tokens of affection- a glance, a touch a kiss. If you have tried all the ‘usual’ ideas for romance, spend a little time here getting some extra ideas for your next romantic rendezvous.

Enjoying and getting to know one another go hand-in-hand. Romance can be cultivated through thoughts, words, and deeds. Preparing a night of romance can also include a bit of fun and a bit of role-playing. But to get the engine of romance revving, why not prepare one of these drinks and get going?

Drink for Getting into the Mood
Vanilla Aphrodisiac Smoothie
1 cup Milk
15 Whole Cloves
15 Cardamom pods
2 Cinnamon sticks
1 Vanilla pod, split
1 cup Vanilla frozen Yogurt
Honey to taste

Place milk, cloves, cardamom, and cinnamon in a saucepan. Scrape in vanilla seeds from pod. Heat milk but do not boil. Remove from heat and allow it to cool, then refrigerate until chilled. Strain milk into a blender goblet and discard spices. Add frozen yogurt and honey to taste. Blend until smooth and frothy. Delicious!

Kama Sutra Shake
1 tbsp clarified Butter (heat the butter till it froths and skim with a muslin filter)
1 tsp Honey
1 tsp Liquorice powder
150 ml Milk
150 ml centrifuged Fennel juice

Wash and dry the fennel. Centrifuge to obtain 150 ml of liquid. Pour into the blender with the other ingredients and process.

20 Questions to take you Places…
While dinner is cooking, pour two glasses of aphrodisiac beverage, put on some relaxing music and play ‘20 questions.’ Dare to ask! You may just find out something you didn't know about your mate.

Here are some questions to get you started. Don't be afraid to think of some, more intimate ones of your own as well.

If you could be any age for just one day what age would you be?

Would you ever go skinny-dipping?

Do you believe in love at first sight?

What kind of clothing do you feel most sexy in?

What is your favourite song?

If you could have lunch with anyone past or present who would it be?

Who is your hero?

Do you like scary films?

What holiday do you really look forward to each year?

What are two most erogenous parts of your body?

Have you ever watched an X movie?

Have you ever had a full body massage?

If someone dared you would you be a stripper for one night?

What is the most outrageous place you have ever made love?

What are your three most important goals to achieve this year?

Besides your parents who knows you best?

What one person has helped you change for the better?

Have you ever played Strip Poker?

Have you ever read the Kama Sutra?

Would you ever run for a public office

Food for Love
No ‘promising’ relationship was ever enhanced by a plain bowl of soup or a sandwich. Prepare a special dinner with dishes that will create an atmosphere that promotes romance, passion, and communion. Forget the traditional aphrodisiacs such as frog saliva, mandrakes, powdered rhinoceros’ horns, or the liquorice teas used in the days of old. Turn, instead, to delicious recipes from around the world, laden with flavours, enticing aromas and miraculous ingredients with which to tempt your love. In no time at all you’ll be on your way to something provocatively appetizing. On your menu of seduction, add the following dishes.

Soupe à l’oignon gratineé — Onion soup
4 sliced Onions
3 tbsps Butter
2 tbsps Flour
500 ml Stock
6 slices country bread toasted in the oven
100 gms grated Gruyère

Brown the onion rings in the butter in a non-stick pan. Keep the heat low and stir often so they do not stick. When they start colouring add the flour and stir for a minute, then add the stock. Cook for 25 minutes. Butter a small oven dish and line the bottom with 2 slices of toast. Pour some stock on top and a grating of Gruyère cheese and repeat three times adding butter to the last layer. Grill until a fine golden crust forms on the top.

Lovers Salad — Insalata Degli Innamorati
1 Avocado
300 gms shelled, boiled Shrimp, fresh or frozen
2 Celery hearts diced
4 Walnuts, shelled
Mayonnaise
Tomato ketchup
Cream

Halve the skin, remove the pit stone and dice the pulp of the avocado into small pieces. Drop the shrimp into boiling water for 30 seconds and cool. Put the avocado in a bowl with the shrimp, the celery, and the chopped walnuts. Dress with a pink sauce obtained by mixing 4 tbsp. of lemon mayonnaise with one tbsp each of ketchup and cream. Fill the avocado halves with the mixture and refrigerate until ready to serve.

Clean Up
Who said getting clean isn't fun? Start by acquiring some lightly scented candles. Also pick up your favourite brand of bubble bath! Then splurge on a rich creamy shampoo and conditioner! After the food, drinks and game, your lover will probably be full of passion. Add on to the flames by sprinkling rose petals from the bedroom door to the bathtub. After dinner, suggest that you go for a "romantic bath".

After you lead your lover to the bath tub, gently light the candles that you have strategically arranged around the bathroom area. (NEVER LEAVE CANDLES UNATTENDED!) We leave the rest to your imagination.

Now plan your date and enjoy!

Aphrodisiac Facts
Almonds
Almonds were regarded as fertility symbols throughout antiquity. Nuts in general are held to have fertility powers. The aroma of almond supposedly arouses passion in females. Alexander Dumas dined on almond soup every night before meeting his mistress, and Samson wooed Delilah with them.
Avocado
Aside from their voluptuous, feminine shape, avocados have also been associated with male sexuality. The Aztecs called the avocado tree "Ahuacuatl," or "testicle tree." The ancients thought the fruit hanging in pairs on the tree resembled the male's testicles. The Spanish, in fact, found avocados so obscenely sexy, that Catholic priests forbade them to their parishioners.
Oysters
These succulent mollusks are the classic aphrodisiac. And, there's research to support it: raw oysters are very high in zinc, which raises sperm and testosterone production, thus increasing libido. Oysters are also a source of dopamine. Casanova is said to have eaten 50 raw oysters every day

The Hot and Steamy Marriage Bed!!s

The Hot and Steamy Marriage Bed!!

While many couples seem to have to struggle to keep the fires of passion going in their marriage, there are some who can’t wait to get together in bed. Ms. Feelwel checks out the factors that are the passion-killers and suggests how to have a steamy sex life even after several years of marriage.

“I don’t enjoy sex at all. I’ve been married seven years and our sex life is so boring, that really, I’d just rather not have it. Yes, we did enjoy sex once but now it’s a chore. Help!!”- Archana

This cry for help is not Archana’s alone. And, really, there’s no shortage of factors that can ruin a couple’s sex lives- busy schedules, kids, aging bodies. But physical intimacy is glue that holds a marriage or a relationship together. You may argue that there are plenty of factors like shared history, family, friendship etc that will keep your relationship going but if the sexual dry spell in your marriage doesn’t come to a timely halt, there is reason even for the marriage to break up.

Remember, sex is hugely important, especially when neither partner is allowed to go anywhere to get it. Also, it’s not just about physical release, right? It’s about feeling wanted and connected. When this intimacy fades, so does intimacy on all other levels. Couples will stop sharing laughs together, engaging in conversation or snuggling on the couch. They will be in conflict over matters which actually stem from sexual dissatisfaction but will manifest themselves in trivialities. The more discord there is in a relationship, the less thee couple is going to want to have sex. But don’t fear, dear readers, Ms. Feelwel is going to tell you how to break out of this vicious circle and let you into the:

Secrets of Couples Who Have Lots and Lots of Sex.
Set a Weekly Sex Goal:
Give sex a top billing, no matter that you have to juggle a million things to do so. Pick a number at random from one to ten on Sunday evening. Suppose the number you pick is eight, you have to have sex eight times before the week ends. If three days go by and you’ve had sex only twice, you have to find the time and the place- whether it’s in the garage while the kids are playing in the backyard or while you are getting a bath - together.

Make the Mood Happen:
Don’t wait for your libido to start up. If it’s not springing into action, give it a crank-start. A true carnal connoisseur will never sit around, waiting for desire to set her/him awash. Well, that way you may have to wait for a long, long time. Kick-start your libido with some X-rated thoughts. You could also read some erotica, see a sexy movie and get yourself into a fired-up state that will lead you straight to bed- and not to sleep, I may add!!

Trade the Turns –Change Roles:
Many couples have different schedules so it may happen that when you are raring to go, your partner is dead beat. But there is a way around this. The partner who is high on energy at the given moment can become the sexual ringmaster while the other just lies back, relaxes and enjoys the ride. There is no need for any guilt to be attached to this because the favour will be returned very soon, yes?

There is another advantage to alternating the take-charge roles- there is always a fresh energy flowing and you can double the number of sex-capades. And both of you work at keeping the thrills ‘coming’

Every Time is a Good Time:
You can’t really be a devil in bed if you’ve scheduled sex in the time slot between 10 O’ clock and the time you fall asleep. Exciting sex can’t happen if you make it a bedtime ritual. The truly satisfied couples find their own little niches where sex will be the best. While some may find it great when they both return from work and strip off each-other’s office clothes while other carnally successful couples will schedule it after they wake in the morning, the time they have completely to themselves. And how about weekend afternoons, holiday mornings after coffee- don’t be discriminating- just go for complete satisfaction, anytime, every time!

Play the Song:
Music can get you in the mood instantaneously! There is some music that you associate with awesome sex, and some that will steer you straight into the bedroom. If it’s the mood you want, get the music going and your partner will catch the signals and you can make some beautiful music together.

Make Sex a Panacea:
If you are a sexy siren, you know all too well that sex can actually alleviate stress, exhaustion and marital tension. So the very reasons that you use to NOT go to bed with your partner are reasons to have sex. Having sex will actually energise you rather than drain you out so you should look for opportunities to use some loving to boost up your energy levels. When you are tired, instead of shrugging off your partner’s attempts at seduction, welcome them, and your lovemaking frequency will certainly increase. Stop thinking of sex as yet another chore on your to-do list but start looking at it as a way to connect with your partner and feeling more relaxed and calmer. So do slip into the sack when you’re tired but take your partner with you!

Heighten Your Sense of Desire:
Think sexy the whole day long. Don’t reserve sex for the bedroom alone but do things that will add the libidinous spice to everyday activities. Consciously add some sexual flavours into different areas of your life. E.g. wear silky underwear, buy yourself an ice-cream cone and eat it in a suggestive way or take a sensuous shower with all kinds of scrubs and creams. All of this will keep you on a high erotic energy level.

To get your partner at the same level, give him a dose as well. When you are dressing for work, stretch out and give him a little view of your beautiful body, ask him for a towel when you are bathing, give him a call from work and tell him to get ready for something special in the evening. Sex just has to happen that night!!

Wherever, However:
Make frequent sex your philosophy. A lot of sex, no matter of what kind, is essential to a healthy relationship. If sex has to be a quickie sometimes, so be it. Just because it’s quick, doesn’t mean it’s not good. So go for the fast- and -furious romp if that’s all you have the time for. If your kids are coming back in 20 minutes, you certainly don’t have the time for the serenade and the candles, do you?

All of these simple tips can be easily incorporated into your schedule and before you know it, you’re going to be burning up the bed sheets. Join the legions of the extra-passionate and discover that your packed day is full of opportunities to tear your clothes off!! So why wait? Just go for the high energy passion!

Yoga for A Better Love Life

Yoga for A Better Love Life

You begin to have better loving because you start to feel your whole body. That's what yoga develops, says Ms. Feelwel. Yoga can get couples to a place of healing and love. Normally, couples use physical loving as a stress-release mechanism. Instead, it can be more intimate and loving if the partners commit themselves to a daily 20-minute yoga practice. According to instructor Shobha Sehgal, who has been teaching yoga in Washington for the past 15 years, “Yoga helps you become aware of your love core. Focused breathing is a crucial part of awakening sensations. Proper breathing is essential for arousal.” Enrich your Life, Soul and Love Life The spiritual and sexual connection between yoga and intimacy has been debated by Ellen Barrett in her book, Sexy Yoga. “Yoga means union in Sanskrit, and it focuses on bringing the body into harmony with the mind and spirit. The awareness of sexuality through yoga is deeper and more intimate. These are exercises, which are beneficial for you and your partner, which blend meditation, breath control and asanas. Yoga is about discovering the joys of elegant sexuality,” says Barrett. The yogic way to enhanced and better loving has certainly found scores of takers. Kundalini yoga experts feel that yoga helps one in creating a balance. If one is stressed, yoga helps in calming the mind and strengthening the nerves, which in turn, help in improving one’s sex life. For instance, Kundalini yoga helps to create bio-energy. It activates the love hormones. There’s a spiritual connection between yoga and love. You can either use yoga to express your sexuality or suppress it to attain celibacy. Kundalini yoga can rejuvenate a person through breathing exercises, which enhance the consciousness. New York-based Ashtanga yoga teacher Aaron Star is the founder of Hot Yoga, an organisation where the students practice yoga asanas that combine Ashtanga and Vinyasa yoga sessions. According to Star, “Here, students discover breathing techniques that help them relax. The practice involves the classic stretching postures and breathing exercises, co-ordinated with chanting and meditation to stimulate the release of the Kundalini energy which prepares them for complete enjoyment of the love experience.” Which Asanas to do? If mind and body are not in optimum health, an individual can not have fulfilling love life. Yoga asanas and breathing exercises provide help in obtaining the optimum health state. The healing power of Yoga is so strong that people who are physiologically weak and to some extent or fully impotent may get back potency as they regain their physical health through Yoga. There are many individuals who approach sexual matters with a nervous mind. Such people are helped greatly from Yogic exercises and breathing practices. Yoga relaxes the mind as well as the body. Remaining relaxed is perhaps one of the most essential preconditions for a harmonious sex life. Sexologist Dr Prakash Kothari also believes that Yoga is perfect for emotional, sexual and spiritual well-being. “For sexual disorders, I suggest certain yoga asanas before prescribing drugs. For instance, Bhramari Prayanam, the chanting of O m with the eyes and ears closed reduces anxiety and helps in contracting and expanding the nerves.” According to experts, practicing Surya Namaskar every morning ushers in a sacred sexual connection. Surya Namaskar is a combination of 12 different poses, like back bends and forward bends. These maneuvers contract and expand the nerves to the pelvic girdle, which is your sexual core. This stimulates your hormones and helps achieve a new equilibrium. Kundalini yoga is also beneficial for a better love life. For instance, Vakrasana, or the Scorpion pose, helps your reproductive organs. While Vajrasana helps in erectile dysfunctions, Vajroli and Ashwini Mudra can help pregnant women pursue a healthy love life after delivery. These mudras help the pelvic muscles. Asanas to Improve Your Love Life Bhadrasana Sit on the floor with legs stretched out in front. While maintaining the contact with the floor, draw both the legs nearer the body with the knees bent outward and the soles of the feet together. Inhale and bring the feet close to the genitals — touching the perineum, with the toes pointing outward. Palms outward, place the hand on respective knees placing them down. Hold the pose and then slowly return to normal while exhaling. Time: 15 seconds for each round. Value: Exercises the pelvic organs, the groin, the unused thigh muscles and the sex organs. Sethu Bandhasana The ‘bridge pose’ increases flexibility and elasticity of your body, strengthens the lower back, abdominal muscles and opens the chest. To start with lie down on your back with your knees up and hands at your side. Your feet should be placed near your hips and about six inches apart. Begin with gently raising and lowering your buttocks. Thereafter, raise the tailbone slowly and continue lifting the spine. Move one vertebra at a time until your entire back is vaulted upward. Give thrust with your feet and keep your knees straight and close together. Now inhale deeply into your chest. Hold your hands under your back and push against the ground. Take a couple of slow and deep breaths and repeat the process for some time. All these features make Sethu Bandhasana a complete asana.

Ways to Make Sex Sexier

Ways to Make Sex Sexier

Bored of doing the same old stuff in the bedroom, has sex become a chore? Or do you just want to try some new things? Well, why not spice up your love life with these simple ideas and gimmicks? You won’t be able to wait for the clock to strike the magic hour when you can hit the sack with your partner!

When you are not together, email the first two sentences of a fantasy. Tell him that he is to respond with the other two lines. Keep mailing each other till the time you both come home.

Touching your partner in sexy ways outside the bedroom — a squeeze here, a kiss there — will remind you both that the routines of the day can make way for nights of magic. And are you too embarrassed to make the first move? Don’t be! Reach out for your man. He will love it and it will make you feel that you are in control.

And by the way, when love is in the air, what is that happy family picture doing on the wall? Surely, you don’t want to be reminded of your parents or siblings or kids when you are about to make some hot moves! So, do take that family picture off the bedroom wall, will you?

Now that you are ready to go, lay him down and read aloud from the fantasies in Nancy Friday's My Secret Garden or any other favourite book of erotica. Don’t allow any touching to happen when reading. You can even memorize passages to whisper in his ear when you're making love, but that’s for later, right?

Now, get your partner ready for a backrub, but blindfold him/her first. The lack of sight will leave him/her aching for your touch, wondering what comes next. Make each other mad with anticipation! Brush your fingertips from the top of his legs down to his toes. This light touch will increase the heat and awaken all your partner’s senses. You could also lick the inside of his/her elbows. Pay attention to areas that are not often touched. This will give your partner goose bumps.

After this, start fooling around with each other. Getting there, but not doing it, like when you were in high school or college! Make the shedding of your clothes dramatic. You can take on the persona of a seductive character from your favorite movie, or a favourite actor or actress. Feel how he/she uses his/her body differently from you. Your partner is sure to notice, even if you don't tell him/her.

Ladies, you can convert your lacy scarf into a sexy prop. Your man may have got used to seeing you nude, but shrouding yourself in a little mystery will remind him of the days when sex was full of mystique and anticipation. Wrap it around your hips, and torso and drive him crazy!

Do follow (some of) these tips and watch your sex life take off!

How to Make Your Man Lust for You - II

How to Make Your Man Lust for You - II

Add novelty to your style
32 year old Aradhna had sported shoulder length hair throughout her relationship with her guy. She got her hair cut every month but he never ever noticed. But one day, when she returned with short red hair, Arun couldn’t get over it. He couldn't stop touching her. He felt that he was getting intimate with a redhead. There is a reason that Aradhna’s new hairdo excited Arun: "Men register eye-catching changes to your appearance, and it draws them to you," Lori Buckley, Psy.D.is quoted to have said. "Adding novelty will keep his desire for you strong."

The change has to be a visible one- one that will engage his interest immediately. "To activate his desire, it has to be a departure from your everyday look," says David Buss, Ph.D., author of The Evolution of Desire. If you are habitually in a salwaar kameez, you could try a new pair of tights. Or go for a completely new look in fishnet stockings and a mini skirt. You could even try out some dark, sexy makeup and try going bra-less, with an extra bounce in your step.

Stroke his ego
Just because men don’t ask you, “Baby, am I looking sexy in my new underwear?” doesn’t mean that he is not looking for compliments like you are.

If a man won’t ‘fish for compliment’ doesn't mean that he does not love his ego to be stroked. What a man really loves and desires is to be desired. When he hears words of praise from you, it re-enforces his feelings for you. If you tell him that you desire him, He’s going to be very hot to live up to what you feel for him.

But, it’s not as simple as that. Men hate gushing and overdoing the mush that puts them off. So, the more exclusive the praise to him, the more genuine it feels. Says Himani, “My guy is obsessive about cleaning the bathroom, so whenever I go in, I always say how clean the mirror is or how the tiles are shining.” He may just grunt and turn away but deep down, he love it. And if you talk about how good it was for you last night…you can expect a torrid time tonight as well.

Give him a sensory association
Go back memory lane to when you first fell in love with your man. What are the memories that you associate with that time? Apart from the butterflies in your tummy, of course. If you can figure out the sensory associations that he has with the time when romance was fresh and new, you’ve figured out the instant love-rush recipe. When he experiences that memory- a smell, a taste, a song- it will trigger a physical reaction and generate an immediate rush of love and longing."

Says Abhinav, “Hearing the song ‘Everything I do, I do it for you’ by Bryan Adams and smelling the perfume of musk takes me back to the time when we spent our honeymoon in Goa, where she wore that perfume all the time. That scent gives me the jolt all over again." To get your guy in the mood, start using an old brand of perfume, visit a romantic place where you had a wonderful time or start an early dating ritual. You may not even have to say anything. The sensory associations are usually so strong that he’ll be transported back at once and get into the romantic mood of that time.

3 Let him feel that you’re desired
This maybe strange to hear but men do get turned on by their partners when they are desired by other men. To make him focus towards you completely, just catch the attention of another man and watch how he turns his laser beam on you. You can’t believe that this is the guy who didn’t even bother to acknowledge your new dress when you left home.

Says Karuna, “I know I’m in the center of my guy’s gaze when we walk into a party or a bar and the other guys there check me out. I can actually feel Varun thinking, “Eat your hearts out guys: she’s with ME. Not just that, he is certainly sticking on tighter when there’s competition around.”

To get him to cling to you, flash a flirty smile at one of the guys at the bar or touch his friend’s hand and laugh at one of his jokes when you know your man is watching. Also, do doll up when you know that there is a possibility of you being in the center of other guys’ attention. It’s a great ego boost for you and perversely, for your man also. He is the one who knows that no matter how much the others may want you, he is the one you are going home with.

How to Make Your Man Lust for You - I

How to Make Your Man Lust for You - I

Does your man still lust after you like he did when your romance had just begun? You may not doubt that he loves you but you sure as hell may doubt if he still lusts after you like he did when romance was fresh. But don’t fear. Once you try these fascinating little tricks, he’s going to be sticking to you like chewing gum!

And here’s some good news! Contrary to the widely held belief that men lose interest in sex after some years, Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., author of Why Can't You Read My Mind? says that men are actually genetically engineered for long-term lusting. But that is subject to the fact that you “have to make a strategic effort to trigger that craving in him once you're in a relationship because the spark in your bond won't last if you neglect it."

Chant his name
Nothing can compare to the rush of adrenalin your mate gets when you chant his name. Just hearing his name hikes up his lust because what you are saying is 'I'm thinking about you only… no one else'. Men just adore hearing that.

But blurting out his name any old how is not going to get him going. You have to make it meaningful. For example if you are at a party or on a drive, say something like , “You know…John…how that makes me feel.”

Another way of getting him to completely focus on you is to whisper or coo his name to draw his completely on to you. "When Harry and I are making out, sometimes I feel like his attention is not a hundered percent on me." says one girl. "That’s when I moan his name, and things really get moving. It really focuses him on me totally.”

Touch him when he doesn’t expect it
The unexpected touch is a great stimulant. Stimulate his nerve endings when he is least expecting it and generate a physical connection that will have your mate getting hooked on to those little moments of excitement.

So now, don’t ask him to pass the dessert, lean across, brushing his arm and take it. Don’t ask him to move when you have to go past. Lean into him as you pass him by. Things are going to really rock for you.

Don’t Tell All
Suppress the need to give details about your day. Unlike women, men are not really interested in the nitty-gritty of who said what and how. They find it boring and tune out.

But if you edit your talk and you'll make a discovery: The less you tell him, the more interested he'll become in your day-to-day activities. Just throw a titillating sentence at him and let him take the bait. For instance, while you are conversing with him, tell him what happened in the end and let him ask for the details. For instance, say to him, “I bumped into my old friend this afternoon” or “I got a raise.” And then be quiet while he’s dying to know the details.

The Ride is as important as the Destination - II

The Ride is as important as the Destination - II

So now we know how important foreplay is. There are some techniques that you can follow that will certainly push your partner over the edge. Follow these tips and you will soon have a reputation as a master blaster, leaving your partner begging for more…

Go slow
Start by kissing and caressing. Women often complain that men ignore most parts of their bodies, going straight to ‘the point’. Continue to kiss her erotically even during intercourse. For a complete sexual experience, kiss and experiment with every part of the body- many women enjoy kissing and nibbling on the neck and shoulders so prolong the foreplay. Linger, touch, stroke, and nibble every part of her body from head to toe. A slow and erotic start will lead to fireworks later!

Tongue her ears
Circle her ears with your wet tongue. Your Woman will love it if you nibble on her earlobe gently and breathe lightly in her ear. Please do not thrust a full tongue into her ear. This puts off most women.

Don’t drool!
Women dislike sloppy kissers. Control your saliva when kissing. You can do so by swallowing it. If not, you’ll end up being a drool-y kisser and women get turned off rather than turned on by that.

Men respond to foreplay too
For a man, foreplay is quite different than it is for a woman but just as erotic.

The woman can take the lead in kissing. She can use not just her mouth but also her hands, lips tongue, breasts, and her complete body to excite her partner.

Sucking on your man’s toes and gently running your tongue over his feet, will really get the man raring to go. But don’t stop there.

The woman can give the man a tongue bath. Kiss him and lick him everywhere, stroke his chest and bite his nipples. She can hold and squeeze the man's buttocks and increase his passion by letting her fingers run near his anus. The teasing aspect is an important one to female foreplay and sets on fire his sexual energy.

Fellatio is the final step in foreplay for men. Many women do not realize how important fellatio is for most men. If they are denied fellatio at home, men can even go out looking for it. Before penetration, a man loves fellatio since this strengthens his erection, exciting the most important nerve centres in his penis.

So, gals and guys, try out these tips and you’ll end up being the irresistible one for whom the opposite sex craves.

The Ride is as important as the Destination I

The Ride is as important as the Destination

Foreplay in sex
In typical case of men being from Mars and women from Venus, the two sexes look at foreplay from a diametrically different perspective. The woman’s view is that she needs a whole lot of foreplay to reach full arousal. For her, kissing, hugging, touching and fondling is as pleasurable as the act of intercourse.

The man’s view is more basic: I want sex, and I want it NOW!

This is the commonly held view about the two differing perspectives. But this is not actually true. The truth is that those men who can slow down enough to get into the kissing, touching, fondling routine, the sensations feel as good as they do to a woman. If the man can get into the groove, rather than as a means of ‘just getting THERE’, sex will be a much more enriched and enjoyable experience. He will enjoy it, she will love it and the chances are that you’ll have more sex too. What a win-win situation!

What to do and HOW?
Sex has to be fun and effortless. If you are labouring hard to get your partner to get into a state of arousal, chances are it will take you that much longer to get her going. Make the process a natural progression. Have fun, relax and get into a state of passion and you certainly can’t do that if you are concentrating on the effort!

Tell her and actually feel that you could fondle her all day. Let her indicate that she is ready for the next step. By the way, she’ll be ready to get to the next stage faster if you give her the assurance that you are enjoying just this!

Don’t Plan
Forget about the planning and the techniques that you have studied in all those books and on the net. Let passion guide you. Her responses will determine whether or not you are pressing the right buttons. Good foreplay comes from discovering what gives each other pleasure rather than a ‘five minutes here, four minutes there, a couple there and bingo!’

Learn to enjoy what’s going on. But if something doesn’t seem to be working, do make a note of that and avoid it in future.

Don’t Feel Frightened to Explore
A big complaint women have about how their partners behave in bed is the predictability. There is more to a woman’s body than her breasts and vagina. It’s time that you set out on a voyage of discovery. See how she reacts to the caressing of her feet, the back of her knee, the crook of her neck, her back, behind her ears. Feel free to touch and taste. In fact, your hands are the most erotic, and sensual part of your body.

The sad thing is that most men just don’t touch well. So do yourself and your woman a favour and take a course in eroticmassage. Otherwise, have frequent massage sessions at home, touching her lightly, slowly increasing the pressure.

A useful tip: women love being touched but hate being grabbed!

Respond to her Responses
How do you know she likes it? Well, her moans and whispers will tell you. In case of doubt, you could always ask her, “How does this feel?" If she likes it, continue to do it. If she says, "I don't know," do something else.

Getting good at foreplay means that you are learning to please her. It’s something that will be useful to you when you move towards a full sexual intercourse. And, while she enjoys the journey, in the end, she’s going to reward you in ways that’s going to blow your mind!!

Enjoy the ride!

Lasting Longer: What every Guy Desires

Lasting Longer: What every Guy Desires

A major cause of the feeling of inadequacy among men is the inability to ‘last’ long while having sex. Most men would certainly like to go on longer than they are usually able to. The primary thing that must be comprehended is that, like most other things, the state of mind has a big part to play in your performance in bed. Getting anxious or uptight is not going to help at all. The other thing that will be a serious deterrent to your sexual performance is a partner who gets annoyed or upset, so you need to work together to develop a positive attitude, which will lead to longer and better sex!

We list some suggestions and techniques which will help you to improve your sexual performance. The rule of the thumb, however, is for the man to be familiar with his body and to know what works for him. It’s only when he knows when to slow down and when to fasten the pace that he can control his excitement in the heat of passion, thus driving his partner to the edge and driving her wild!

If he decreases the sensitivity of the penis, the ejaculation process will be much slower. So, techniques have to be incorporated which will lessen this sensitivity and lead to a longer time in the sack. We will tell of some of these techniques and the practice of these should certainly help in increasing the sexual stamina. But, like everything else, these require practice and are not instant cures.

Squeeze Freeze
When you are about three or four strokes away from ejaculation, stop applying any more strokes or increasing your excitement. Just squeeze the base of your penis. You can do this by wrapping your thumb and index finger around it. You must apply firm pressure with special focus on the urethra. This is the tube running along the underside of the penis. This will decrease the sexual tension and hold back the ejaculation. In fact, you can apply this pressure anywhere along the shaft of the penis. The aim is to squeeze the urethra. Please make sure that you do this at least 3-4 strokes before you orgasm. If you leave it too late, it’s all over and done with and you’ll have to wait for the next time.

Stimulate and stop
The aim of this exercise is to stimulate the penis to a great level of excitement, almost near ejaculation and then stop and wait for the excitement to wane. This exercise will help you to outlast your partner. You should do this three to five times per session, either with your partner or by yourself. You need to practice this for a month and by the end of that period, you’ll have her begging you to stop!

Give Yourself Hand Jobs: Masturbation
Masturbation has some very good results. It decreases the sexual tension and reduces the penile sensitivity. Regular masturbation leads to greater control over your ejaculatory responses. So, gentlemen, whenever you feel the need, you just use your hand! Good for you, and better for the two of you together.

Use Sex Toys
The entire aim of the techniques recommended is to reduce the sensitivity and to increase “immunity to pleasure”. Using sex toys follow the same reasoning as masturbating. You can either use sex stimulators or normal vibrators. You can browse the net and make a shopping list for yourself to suit your budget.

Cover that Shaft
Wearing of the condom plays a major part in reducing the sensitivity for both partners, but more specially, the male. In fact, you should be wearing condoms to reduce the risk of pregnancies and STDs. Many couples claim that this also leads to longer-lasting sex. If, in spite of wearing condoms, you are still very sensitive, you can opt for a thicker condom So, boys, get onto practice, get going…on and on and on!!!!!

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