Sex and Samosas?

Sex and Samosas?

Well, actually neither sex nor samosas have anything to do with one another—unless, of course, someone somewhere has a samosa fetish. It's just the complete fulfilling experience that is comparable—the filling up of every sense that leaves one replete for the moment but ready for more — at the right time and the right mood. The 'rightness' of it depends on the participants!

OK! Let's look at the samosa experience! 11 o'clock in the morning, it’s coffee or teatime! In comes a waft of freshly fried samosa—no perfume in the world could smell as tempting to an Indian nose! And there, before you, is a perfect, crisp, piping hot, golden-brown samosa. Boy! Take a load of that shape!! Reach out for it; go on…take a bite…ummm! The delectable filling is even more sensational than the crust! You dip it in the tangy sauce and greedily finish it off, each bite more delicious than the last, till, at last, it's over, leaving you satisfied and replete. Could anything be more sensuous?

Of course there are those who won't wait to appreciate the entire experience but just wolf the samosa down. And then there are those who don't like samosa at all… and this is completely in keeping with my analogy of sex and samosas! What is being said here, in short, is that sex, like samosas, is a therapy that engenders tremendous wellness.

Sexercise Therapy

Sex, in a loving and intimate relationship, has innumerable health benefits. Answer the following question truthfully:

Would you rather run 75 miles or have sex three times a week for one year? Research has shown that both the activities will burn approximately 7,500 calories. Many of us however, feel that anything that feels so good can't possibly be 'good' for us. But wait! Pause and think again! A staggering number of scientific studies have shown that sex and specially, sex leading to orgasm is good for you. The obvious physical benefits— the heavy breathing and the increased heart rate that occur during sexual arousal and orgasm— help to keep the tissues and organs healthier by circulating oxygen. And by the way, as an exercise it will burn off more calories per minute than playing tennis. During sex, the average person maintains the heart rate above 70% of the maximum. That really makes sex a wonderful workout and the longer it lasts, the better cardiovascular workout you get!

As a matter of fact, having sex three-four times a week will cut the risk of heart attack or stress in half! Although women also benefit in this manner too, in the case of men the results are well documented and clear. Not only that but in men sex encourages the flow of testosterone, which strengthens bones and muscles and helps transport DHEA, a hormone believed to be important in the functioning of the body's immune system. In women, the act triggers the release of oxytoxin. This promotes the feelings of affection and the nurturing instinct. Looks like for men, it's a win-win situation!

Intimacy not Promiscuity

It was in the 1950s that serious research on sexuality began in the US. Alfred Kinsey's famous Kinsey report detailed that sex reduces stress, and people who have fulfilling sexual lives are less anxious, violent and hostile. So, the twin benefits of regular exercise and a secure relationship, which leads to feeling happier, could not only lead to greater health but also a younger you! The point to note is that all these studies do not encourage promiscuous sex, the issue here being, not morality but intimacy. Intimacy plays a key role in the health benefits of sex. A promiscuous sexual relationship may, in fact, produce an opposite effect and introduce fear and anxiety. What's in it for women?

Hmmm! OK. Research done by Dr Winnifred Cutler, a specialist in behavioural endocrinology, indicates that women who have sex at least once a week are more likely to have normal menstrual cycles than women who have infrequent sex or are celibate. They have a healthy cardiovascular system, lower bad cholesterol; increase good cholesterol, increased bone density and supple skin. And if this were not enough, there is also evidence that estrogens are beneficial for brain functioning.

AND— Wait! I'm not done with the benefits of estrogen as yet! The vaginal tissues get suppler and it provides protection against osteoporosis and heart disease.

More…and more…and MORE!

So what more this multi-vitamin samosa does for a person's overall well being? Well, for one, you get an improved sense of smell! Yup, I did say smell. And here's how. Prolactin, a hormone produced after sex, stimulates the olfactory nerve, the centre for smell, increasing smell perception. You get better bladder control because the muscles used during sex are the same used in doing 'Kegel exercises', the alternate contraction and relaxation of perineal muscles for treatment of urinary incontinence. Incidentally, ‘Kegel exercises’ are good for men too.

There's more, lots more, and here it is… immediately upon orgasm, endorphins are released and these are natural pain relievers. Endorphins remain active in the body for several hours after the climax. So the next time you feel a headache coming on, don't go towards your medicine chest but reach for your partner instead! No more, “I have a headache, darling.” Make it: “I have a headache, darling. I need you.”

The moral of the story, dear readers, is that sex has wellness benefits throughout all our different stages of life. It's an activity that's important both for our health and our happiness. Sex therapists say that sex acts on the principle of 'use it or lose it', so when it feels so good and its benefits are numerous, what are you waiting for? JUST DO IT!

Fitness = Great Sex

Fitness = Great Sex

There are all these boring, though important, reasons why you should work out—for a better cardiovascular system, more stamina, a toned body... All that is great to know and to achieve. But, do you know, dear readers, that workouts also mean better sex? And hey! Before you think that I'm talking about the benefits of sex, no, I certainly am not! I had already talked of that in a previous column, remember? What I'm saying is simply that less fat means urge for more sex!

So, if you aren't motivated enough by reducing the risk of heart disease and prostate cancer, longer life spans and great physique, maybe the notion that less fat means more sex should propel you towards a body that's aiming to be a lean, mean fighting machine!

Look, sex is something that's almost automatic in our youth. Nature demands that people procreate and the younger generation definitely spends a lot of time, thought and energy on the activity, if not exactly in the process of procreation per se. However, by the time you are in your mid 20's and 30's, let yourself 'go'. Your body is no longer in shape and guess what one of the fallouts of this state is? Lacklustre, routine sex lives.

Of course, factors like the pressure to earn, family responsibilities and stress at work also interfere with great sex but when you lose that trim, fit physique of youth, sex is not as automatic, as it was, when you were younger and had that body.

So, let’s just look at the important factors that contribute to wonderful sex. Of course, the will to do is the primary motivator, but the endurance and strength of the body are very important elements as well. Everyone knows that sportsmen have great sex! And this, incidentally, is not only because their bodies are muscled and toned but also because they have the strength and energy to go for it big time!

Every Day, Sometimes More
The other factor here is that the more attractive your body is, the more interest it generates in the opposite gender. This leads to greater self-esteem, making you feel sexy.

Says Rita Aggarwal, who works in a bank: “I've been on both sides of the fitness fence. In my 30's my long working hours at a sedentary job, coupled with lack of exercise, got my body all flabby. By the time I realised that my metabolism was no longer what it used to be, when I was young, I'd become a lump of lard! Of course, my sex life took a real beating because I couldn't believe that anyone could find me desirable. I myself started feeling extremely un-sexy.”

In the Duke University survey, at the outset, 68 per cent of women said they felt sexually unattractive, and 63 per cent did not want to be seen undressed. They went on a diet and exercise programme and within a year, things improved dramatically, just as they did for Rita, who joined a gym and took to organic, health food in a big way. Today she's in her forties and she is glowing with health and vigour. “Sex?” she laughs, “Every day of the week and sometimes more!”

States Dr. Sandra Leiblum of the Centre for Sexual and Marital Therapy at UMDNJ - Robertwood Johnson Medical School, New Jersey: “No one disputes the evidence that women of any age can be unhappy with their sex life, but the reasons for their discontent change with age. While younger women are more likely to report difficulty in reaching orgasm, women over 40, cite other difficulties such as a partner, who doesn't make love in a satisfying way, or who can't perform, painful intercourse, or their feeling that they are no longer physically desirable.”

Shed Pounds: Have More Sex!
In the Duke University survey, weight loss helped both men and women significantly and even with the 10-13 per cent weight loss the improvement was marked. In the beginning, 21 per cent said that their sex life wasn't enjoyable. This figure fell by 10 per cent. From 39 per cent, who lacked sexual desire in the beginning, only 15 per cent said so a year later.

O.K.! Now we're all in agreement that great sex is achievable provided we work on our bodies. Now, how do we go about shedding those extra pounds and improving our physical and mental health?

There are a few basic rules that you need to follow-
Rule 1: To begin with, ingest fewer calories than you expend. Eat a lot of high-quality protein, moderate levels of complex carbohydrates and low levels of fat. No junk food, please! When you reach for that slice of chocolate cake, think, would you rather eat that or have sex tonight? Also, 5 to 7 small meals in a day are better than three big ones!

Rule 2: Train, train, train. Progressive resistance training adds lean muscle mass, which boosts your metabolism to burn fat faster, and, hey, you look hot as well.

Rule 3: Intensive cardiovascular exercises. You should add variety to our exercise regime by incorporating biking, aerobics, walking, all of which keeps your metabolism in great shape.

Rule 4: Take a breather. You need adequate amounts of rest and sleep to aid the muscle-building process and improving mental functioning.

Rule 5: Take diet supplements. High quality proteins like multi-vitamins, C, E and B-complex could be used. But do consult your doctor.

So, what are you waiting for? Go for it! There are great things in the offing. Go on, hit the gym, train hard, have great sex and enjoy!

It's time for a Quickie

It's time for a Quickie

Long ago WH Davies wrote: What is this life if, full of care, We have no time to stand and stare.

Life has witnessed an exponential rise in activity since the time Davies wrote these lines. Twentieth century saw the growth of automobile and the airplanes; telephones and television. The modern man is sandwiched between increasing workloads and shrinking deadlines. For the modern man love-making as an extended voluptuous experience is increasingly becoming a rarity. Where in fact is the time to stand and stare at your love-partner, emanating sensuousness from the eyes, admiring body contours and indulging in foreplay?

Invariably, the needles of the watch have become the masters of our destiny. 'Instant' is the mantra these days—instant foods, instant clothing, and instant cricket and now we increasingly feel the need for instant sex. Human tendency, however, is never in favour of shorter versions of amorous games, as the thirst is never satisfied by swift and sweet adventures. We want to linger on and want more and more but the exigencies of schedules and activities are making full-blooded sex uncommon. Hence, we have the invention of a quickie. Quickie is quick action love-making.

Where can you have a hurried bout of sex? Possibly, anywhere with or without the roof. It could be before or in the bath, or during the lunch hours in a secluded storeroom of your workplace. A nook of the gallery you are visiting; a recess into the woods off a busy motorway could well also serve as the venue to release the pent up sexual desires.

Sometimes you find two friends from the ongoing party conspicuously missing without information. And while you frantically, try to search them, they coolly slither back into the crowd. Propriety suggests that you don't ask where they have been. The couple could have made good their time with a quickie in the protected confines of their parked car.

The car halt in the garage, may well spontaneously give rise to palpitations in the groin. And before you come to terms with reality, a quickie has provided you with a much-needed respite before you drown yourselves in household chores. For others, a forlorn parking or a deserted end of the garden… may well come in handy. The office loo is widely used by those colleagues who are deprived of time or the courage to move out in the city. In colleges, the towering though secluded lines shelves of libraries and laboratories serve more the purpose of quest of quick sex than as fountainheads of intellectual prowess. And whatever is available at the moment- a canvas, tarpaulin, discarded car seats, gas cylinders, tyres, and broken benches come in handy to help eat the forbidden fruit in a jiffy.

Quickies have always been in vogue in the rural hinterlands. Here fear from the prying eyes rather than shortage of time has been their chief motivational cause. Lovelorn cannot move about without being noticed in small townships and villages. A bout of quick sex adds some intimacy and spice to the feeling of adoration that abounds in two breasts. So, a tall crop like cane sugar, corn or fodder or an orchard provides the perfect environment for a quickie. It’s like the game of middle order batsman who has to perform or perish. There are no hushed whispers, smooching or intimate kissing. Foreplay is forbidden. Not only for dearth of time but because excessive raunchiness can well become a torment hard to bear.

And guess, what could be the greatest deterrent for a quickie? No, it is never an unsuspected intrusion, for people may enjoy watching you in sex-a-venture than playing the spoilsport. Rather the villains are with you, or on you—a silly string, belt, buttons and tight clothing especially pants. You may take more time in taking them off than the real episode itself. And just one of them could play the devil. For you could have fiddled and frittered those precious minutes away, in a thing as worthless as untying a knot. Rightly is it said, “Time and tide wait for no one”. So, go for a quickie!

Gayism: A Matter of Choice

Gayism: A Matter of Choice

Homosexuality is closeted in India. It is kept under wraps, even though, thanks to the publicity that activists have given to gay issues, at least the word 'homosexual' has emerged out of the closet. It has made its way into the columns of newspapers, in films and even into social chit-chat at clubs. Expressions like 'sexual identity' and 'sexual choices' are today accepted in a society, which in its modern avatar has been largely homophobic or prejudiced against homosexual people. There are no official estimates for India's gay communities but some gay organizations maintain it might be as large as 50 million people. When The Boyfriend, a book by R Raja Rao, a leading gay rights activist was launched in Mumbai's upmarket Oxford bookstore, the event was attended by the highly visible city glitterati.

Social Stigma
As Shaleen Rakesh puts it: “It is not easy to be gay in our country. There is immense social stigma attached to it. Families and friends assume that everyone is heterosexual. The abuse starts the moment a young gay person realises his desires. He is suddenly confronted with his 'otherness'. He fails to see any recognition for his feelings, his instincts and his emotions. On the other hand, everything around him says he isn't normal, an aberration, someone who went wrong along the way.” In the face of such forceful societal opposition, the self-esteem can take a mighty blow and many gay men and women succumb to this homophobia. Many gays make choices against their real inclinations and get married, thus repressing their desires for a lifetime. “Very few are able to stand up to the onslaught and try living on their own terms.”

Being and Declaring
In tradition-bound India, where homosexuality is either ignored or treated as a disease, it is hard for a gay person to openly declare his sexuality. But Mumbai has a thriving gay social scene with regular gay parties in pubs and discos, which are attended by middle class gay men, who dance with people from different social backgrounds and even foreign tourists. Yet there are only a few gay men in India who choose to live openly. “The number of declared gays may not be more than 100,” says Kavi Rao. Nitin Karani, who contributes to a gay website, says: “All we want is the acceptance that we exist and we are not different from heterosexual people, except for our sexual and emotional attractions to men.”

The hardest thing for some is to come to terms with their sexuality themselves, and for others it is to declare their choice to their families. Despite coming out several times on TV and in print, Karani says: “Until now, my parents pretend no one really understood what I said on TV or in the news. None of my relatives are dying to tell me how they read about me being a gay it is like don't ask, don't tell.”

Being a Lesbian
“Lesbian” which originally meant an inhabitant of Lesbos is now applied to homosexual women. The same parameters apply for gay women as for gay men. A society that states that they are abnormal, constrains their choices. “The women-to-women relationship is as simple (or complex) as any other love relationship between two people…the only difference is that here there are two women involved. They share their emotions, highs and lows, ups and downs, tears and laughter, and of course, sex is a part of it,” explains Sheeba (name changed), who has quietly moved in with her partner. Ruth, coordinator of Sangini, a helpline and support network for lesbian/bi-sexual/transgender women in Delhi, in an interview published in Femina September 2002, said: “I was heterosexual till the age of 20 or 21. Then I realised it was not what I was looking for. I didn't find it sexually satisfying, emotionally fulfilling and spiritually correct to be with a man.”

Helpful NGOs Shaleen Rakesh, who heads the MSM programme for the New Delhi-based Naz Foundation, writes periodically and passionately and even files public interest litigation to protect gay's rights. And recently, films like Phir Milenge and My Brother Nikhil have seriously and consciously taken the subject of homosexuality and AIDS to mainstream cinema. Among lesbian activists are Geeta Kumana, director of Aanchal, a helpline and support group for lesbian and bi-sexual women. Also there are Stree Sangam based in Mumbai, The Sangini Project and Prism in New Delhi, Sappho in Calcutta, Sahaya in Bangalore and Olava in Pune.

Natural Option
It is a myth to consider lesbianism as a sexual option that women take when dissatisfied by their marriages or as a result of some sort of sexual abuse by men. Says Rakhee (name changed): “People may say it's unnatural, well, it feels so right to me. It's the only natural option for me.”

Kamna (name changed) who works for a New Delhi-based travel agency, says: “Its not only at the sexuality level that you connect with the society. A lot of my friends are straight and accept me for myself else they wouldn't be my friends, would they? However, the fear of being ostracised is very real. “If we are known to be gay, we get stigmatized and are treated like weird specimens. We may lose our jobs and our houses. The truth is that society refuses to recognize homosexuality and while it is easy to pretend it doesn't exist, the minute the subject is raised, all hell breaks loose.” For centuries, the Indian society had taken the homosexual behaviour in its stride. It is high time it removed its British blinkers, inspired by Victorian prudery and gave individuals that constitute it the right to make their own choices.

Squeeze For Better Sex

Squeeze For Better Sex

At the Midwest Institute of Sexology, USA, students are taught a variety of 'sexercises'. They help students to enjoy their bodies and enhance their capacities for sexual pleasure. The most basic of these are the 'Kegel exercises', which serve to tone and strengthen the Pubococcygeus or PC muscles that form the floor of the pubis. The health of these muscles plays an important role in sexual arousal, climax, and in other physiological functions. What are Kegel Exercises? Now that I've got your attention, let's talk about what Kegel exercises are, their benefits and how and when to do them. I do assure you, dear readers; that in addition to enhanced sexual benefits, Kegel exercises have many more advantages like wellness and better health. These pelvic floor exercises are named after Dr. Arnold Kegel, who developed them in 1948, as a method of controlling incontinence that occurs in some women following childbirth. These exercises are now recommended for women with urinary stress incontinence. But they are not only for women. Men, who suffer from urinary incontinence after prostate surgery and faecal incontinence, also find them beneficial. The principal behind Kegel exercises is to strengthen muscles of the pelvic floor, thereby improving the urethral and rectal sphincter muscles. The exercises can be performed at any time and at any place. You can do the exercises while lying down or sitting. Most people will notice some improvement after 4 to 6 weeks. Men should do Kegel Exercises Regularly Well, if there's one concern with men, it is: “How can I control myself from ejaculating so quickly?” says Ana Fernandez, who works in a NGO that also runs a help-line. The answer is simpler, than the problem. There is a way that men can help themselves! All that is required is a little exercise that can be done even sitting before the TV, watching the news! As mentioned before, both men and women have a PC muscle, which is responsible for the health of the pelvic floor. But hey! That's not all it's used for. You want to maximize your sexual experiences, don't you? (Dumb question, I must admit!—then, gentlemen, you have to keep this muscle in tip-top condition). The next time you go to the toilet and start urinating, try to stop the flow midway. Take this test too: When you have an erection, can you squeeze your PC muscles and make your penis jump substantially? If you cannot, well then, you need the Kegel exercises more than you know! Did you know, gentlemen, that exercising this muscle regularly will prolong the duration of lovemaking and make your climax much more intense? Some men with healthy PC muscles can actually hang a towel over their erections and raise and lower their penises at will. Well, I'd say that is motivation enough to move those muscles. To begin with, once your PC muscles get going, you could use a handkerchief and then graduate to a towel! It's all about working out boys! Just as working out your biceps will give you better definition and more strength, similarly the PC muscles will better define your erections and orgasms. To put it in a nutshell, you should do Kegel exercises because: They increase the blood flow to the genital area and support sexual mechanism. They strengthen and tone the muscles that are involved in ejaculation and so men who do them, can, if they do some additional work with themselves, gain greater control over the timing of their ejaculations! Kegel exercises prevent incontinence and other problems often associated with aging. Kegel Exercises for Women Psychosexual therapist, Paula Hall says that you may never have noticed your pelvic floor muscles before, but regular exercises to strengthen them can bring about delightful sexual benefits. Not just that but you'll be surprised to know that 5.2 billion dollars are spent on adult diapers every year. It is quoted in Harvard Health Letter, “in an age when people talk about sex and Viagra as if they were discussing golf scores, it seems ironic that more than 200 million people worldwide, who suffer from urinary incontinence are too embarrassed to mention the subject to their doctor.” But if they did, they would learn that there are treatments that can eliminate or improve the problem in 9 out of 10 people, who experience urine leakage. The health benefits for women include: Improved blood circulation to the genital area, which helps sexual arousal and stronger and pleasurable orgasms. A greater feeling of control and confidence on vaginal penetration. Avoiding urinary incontinence and vaginal prolapse. How Do I Identify My PC Muscles? One way is to sit on the toilet seat and start to urinate—men will do it this way too, please! Try to stop the flow of urine stream by contracting your pelvic floor muscles. Repeat this action several times, until, you become familiar with the feel of contracting the correct group of muscles. Do not contract your back, abdominal or thigh muscles while performing the exercises. Another approach to help you identify the correct muscle group is to insert the finger into the vagina. You should then try to tighten the muscle around your finger as if holding back urine. Men can lie down, insert a finger in their anus, and feel the muscle as it tightens around it. The abdominal and thigh muscles should remain relaxed. How Do I Do Regular Kegel Exercises? First completely empty your bladder.Sit or lie comfortably with the muscles of your thighs, buttocks, and abdomen relaxed.Tighten the ring of muscles around the back passage as if you are trying to control diarrhoea or wind. Relax it. Practice this movement several times until you are sure, you are exercising the correct muscle.Tighten and draw in the muscles around the anus and the urethra all at once. Lift them up inside. Try and hold this contraction as strongly as you can and count to five, then relax, and release. You should have a definite feeling of 'letting go.’ Repeat the 'squeeze and lift' and relax. It is important to rest between each contraction. If you find it easy to hold the contraction for a count of five, try to hold for longer—up to 10. Repeat this as many times as you are able to a maximum of 8-10 squeezes. Make each tightening a strong, slow, and controlled contraction. Now do 5-10 short, fast, but strong contractions, pulling and immediately letting go.Do this whole exercise in routine, at least 4-5 times a day. You can do it in a variety of positions—lying, sitting, standing and walking. If you work up to three sets of 30 or more strong squeezes, you are probably healthy enough for most purposes, and need only to maintain this level of fitness by doing these three sets four times a week, instead of three times a day. Indeed, with proper performance of Kegel exercises, control of urinary incontinence has improved up to 50% to 80%. But here I must add a word of caution: Some people feel that they can speed up progress by increasing the frequency of exercise. However, over-exercising may cause muscle fatigue.

Cyber Sex - A Way of Life

Cyber Sex - A Way of Life

Sandeep S. Sandhu
"The old order changeth, yielding place to new,
And God fulfils Himself in many ways,
Lest one good custom should corrupt the world.” - Lord Tennyson

Perched on the precipice, we of the old school gape at the never-ending vistas of 'Cyberian scapes', which can be held captive on the desktop by a mere click of the mouse. In the deluge of Internet medium the political, geographical, religious, economic and ethnic boundaries have been reduced to irrelevance, like never before. And proudly we address this spectacular and huge world of ours with the oxymoron of ‘global village'.

If human interaction in socio-cultural, scientific fields has increased to this extent then the ever-cherished themes of -- 'love and sex'-- could not have been left untouched. Just a few years back, the virtual proximity achievable cyber medium even while sitting thousands of miles apart would have been beyond imagination. And that too with the option of revealing or not revealing one's identity? What more do we expect than the option of sharing some very intimate moments, yet maintain the garbs of anonymity. The very idea is hard to resist as armies of sex-smitten people indulge in fetish and raunchy talk -- to give vent to their hidden sexual desires, which perhaps they could never do in their real lives. Their actual lives embroiled in the urgencies of seeking livelihood, people seek solace (read nirvana) in the privacy of the desktop. Once done out of curiosity as an experiment, it gradually assumes permanence of addiction.

There are both for and against arguments on cyber sex. For those in its favour clamour over the fact that it is like giving vent to your pent up sexual desires while indulging in virtual sex. It is not perfidious activity as you are not involved in an amorous adventure in flesh and blood.

There are examples like the one of that jet-setting executive who found his house was a mere point on the globe - a destination where he had to spend some time before he moved ahead on his next assignment. The bored wife having nothing to do after the kids left home for school took to chatting, which ultimately ended up in securing her a cyber sex partner in the USA. Here is a classic case over which we can study the pros and cons of this neo-eroticism. Net sex, if it is secret and well kept would help one fulfil some of the most voluptuous desires without breaking the moral cordons of the society. This lady was satisfied in sharing her orgies with her American friend while remaining in the confines of her home. For had it not been the cyber sex, where else the love-thirsty wife would have found satisfaction? Where else but in sex in real life! And what does that mean? An extra- marital affair in plain words followed by a break up. Look how cyber sex prevented the crashing of her marriage too! (And God forbid if some spy ware installed by her husband were ever to trace her net talk -what would be the consequences- a divorce. (The courts in the western countries have accepted net sex as sufficient evidence for divorce). And we would be forced to call cyber sex both the saviour and the wrecker of a marriage in the same breath.

So at least cyber sex plays the vital role in the lives of even the most dissatisfied indoors to find gratification somewhere else in real life. But it is a fact that a lot of marriages and true-life relationships have fallen victims to the virtual sex. A chance stumbling of your partner into what could be your private territory can lead to the chasm being created. And once it is created, it results in more and more doubts and suspicions till the world falls apart. Some traditionalists argue that once the thin line of overt sexual activity is broken even in the impersonal perversion of cyber sex-- an act of deception has happened.

Yes, there are huge numbers of people who remain unsatisfied with the physical and emotional aspects of their life partners. Cyber sex for them is an expedient choice between sin and suppression. The votaries of cosmopolitanism find another argument in favour of indulging in cyber sex. They believe it gives a cosmopolitan flavour to one's sexual life without doing as much as to venture out of the house. One can chat and have cyber sex with any number of people from around the world - choosing a male or a female of one's choice. One particular young man who was more interested in Eastern women indulged in all kinds of sadomasochistic talk with Chinese, Thai and Korean women to fulfil his desires. There are some who practically enact the orgies in their real lives, which they learn in 'cyberian fantasies'.

Sex specialists believe that it actually catalyses the sex lives of those couples that have lost interest in sex. The addition of gizmos like web cams, voice chats do add their bit to make the distinction between reality and virtual reality very thin. So can it also be argued that cyber sex has emerged as a therapy for those who have prematurely lost interest in sex? Some social sciences experts feel that cyber sex would play a critical part in opening up the society like ours that is stranded in the labyrinth of cultural and social inertias for centuries.

But the negative aspect of cyber sex is an increase in cyber crimes. With cyber police still being a non-entity, a lot of gullible and innocent people fall prey to deception. They travel hundreds of miles, putting their families and career in jeopardy to seek what is not! Yes, one thing that must be giving sleepless nights to the past generation is that more and more youngsters are indulging in 'passionate keyboard bashing'. We can well imagine the hell these kinds of mental sex orgies must be wreaking on the tender minds - who really don't know what is right or wrong for them?

And there are other social evils that are spreading fast through this otherwise innocuous mode of communication. There are reports of pedophiles prying on young children. Law more often than not prove toothless in this chaotic, crazy cyber world, where it cannot be fathomed who is after whom.

Cyber sex being a creation of recent years; it is hard to be judgmental about it. Its effects, side effects and ill effects would be borne by posterity. Perhaps like always, time would be the 'Last Judge' on the issue.

Combating Sperm - II

Combating Sperm - II

The Intra-uterine Device
The WHO rates the IUD as one of the safest temporary methods of birth control for women. This is a small plastic device containing either a hormone or copper that is inserted into a woman’s uterus. An important thing to remember about IUDs is that it is a great protector if it is in place. But sometimes it can slip out without your realising it. That’s when you are no longer protected and you don’t even know it!

The Barrier Method
Here the aim is to block the sperm—that sly little thing—from getting to the egg. And that’s when latex comes to the rescue. You could opt for the diaphragm or the cervical cap. You need to use the diaphragm with a spermicidal jelly. It’s a dome shaped cup with a flexible rim to allow for insertion. It blocks the whole rear part of the vagina and the cervix to protect against the sneaky sperm. Both the diaphragm and cervical cap have to be fitted so you must visit a physician to get this type of birth control. However, they last for several years. But you do need to hold them up against the light to check for holes. Supposing you didn’t put on the diaphragm before sex, no worries.

Men are visual creatures and become excited with closer acquaintance with your vagina. So, don’t be put off by the thought of inserting your diaphragm in front of your partner because, it is guaranteed, it’ll make you as excited as it’ll make him and the extra lubrication is always great, isn’t it?

Condom!
Ah! Ultimately! It’s the man’s turn to take responsibility. And with the AIDS risk at large, the condom usage is again popular. The day of the boring latex sheath is over! You can buy them off the shelves in supermarkets or at drugstores in different colours, sizes, ribbed, flavoured, lubricated, dry — you name it!

The trickiest part of the condom is making sure that there’s no leakage while removing it because if that happens, the sneaky sperm could sidle into the vagina and hey, that’s love’s labour lost, isn’t it? It would be smart to remove the condom before losing your erection entirely.

Men are heard grousing that a condom reduces sensation. That may not be a bad thing for those who suffer from premature ejaculation. For the rest of you out there, if there’s the slenderest risk of passing on an infection, you really have no choice. The only way out (of a condom) is to stay in one relationship long enough!

Natural Family Planning
One way is to never have an intercourse. That’s abstinence! Another way is partial abstinence or abstaining at the time of the month when a woman is fertile. This reliance on the fertility cycle of the woman is called the calendar or the rhythm method.

Calendar Method
Your fertile period is not just the day that you ovulate. While the egg can live for 1-3 days, the sperm can live in the vagina for 2-7 days. Meaning, that if you have had sex before your ovulation, the sperm maybe hanging around the fallopian tubes waiting for the egg to come along and then fertilise it!

For safety from pregnancy, you should think of a 9-day period as being risky — 5 days before ovulation, the day of ovulation and 3 days after that. The other 19 days are considered ‘safe’. But while theoretically this is so, nothing can be foolproof against those sneaky eggs and sperm determined to get together!

Basal Body Temperature
A woman’s temperature rises between .4 and .8 degrees when she ovulates. If you take your temperature every morning before getting out of bed, you’ll one day discover a rise and if you have no infection to account for it, then you may assume that you have ovulated. No unprotected sex for you then unless you are trying to have a baby!

Myths about Birth Control!
Douching prevents pregnancy
This myth dates back to the time of ancient Egypt. The concept is to wash out the sperm before they can reach the uterus. Various types of douches have been used down the ages form vinegar to Coca-Cola to commercial douches. Actually, by the time you are done with intercourse and the douche, man’s sperm have already begun their trip towards the egg and it’s not possible to flush them out!

You can’t get pregnant without orgasm
Wrong again! Though it is a fact that vaginal contractions of orgasm can foster pregnancy, it is also true that some semen are going to make their way up the cervix irrespective of the fact that the woman has multiple orgasm or no orgasm.

Stand-up sex can prevent pregnancy
Ha! If you think that sperm cannot defy gravity, then you underestimate the tenacity of the sperm. The sperm are ace swimmers and capable of swimming upstream as well as downstream!

You can’t get pregnant when you have your period
Don’t believe that please! Although menstruation does limit the possibility of becoming pregnant, it’s not to be counted upon. Some women have irregular bleeding, which, if misinterpreted as menstruation, can lead to pregnancy.

Pulling out is protection enough
If there’s one myth that’s caused the maximum pregnancies, it is this! The withdrawal method is certainly not foolproof. Many men, who swear to their partners that they have wonderful control over their ejaculations and will pull out their penises from the vagina as soon as they feel it coming, don’t. They end up ejaculating before they pull out. Sometimes the heat of the moment gets the better of them.

Even if the man does pull out, the pre-ejaculatory fluid, known as the Cowper’s fluid, has already been released and is on its way to the uterus. This fluid is absolutely loaded with sperm. So the coitus interruptus is only a little better than nothing!